Letting a Play Date Takes its Course

Ishra's painting of the sea

I am more relaxed when it comes to my kids nowadays. Before, I used to get worked up over little things like when my kids spill drinks on the floor or stain their clothes.

Organising a play date was not an easy task for me either. I would get stress out maybe a day before the play date worrying about how it would turn out, what to feed the kids and whether they would enjoy the activity.

I soon realise children are really pretty easy to please. They don’t ask for much and they just know how to have fun. My job is to make sure that they are safe.

I also learn to let go and let the kids sort out their differences. They somehow always manage to do so on their own.

Today,  I organised a play date for my 7-year-old daughter. My  3-year-old son cried when his sister’s friend turned up saying, “I want my boyfriend!”

The girls didn’t want to play with him as he’s a boy and still quite small. I let them be, for a while. Now they are upstairs, my son in his superman costume, playing with the girls. Apparently they are having a tea party!

How do you deal with a 7-year-old bully?

Today I confronted a girl at my daughter’s school after I saw her being rude and bossy to my daughter  in front of my own eyes. The girl is in the same class as my daughter. Every Wednesday they both attend rhythmic gymnastic practice.  The girl who is slightly taller than an average 7-year-old is also the class assistant monitor.

My daughter has told me of several occasions when she was bullied by this particular girl. And whenever my daughter asked her why she was mean, she would tell her because she is the assistant monitor.

I noticed that the girl started picking on my daughter after I refused to give her money. I gave her money once when she told me she didn’t have any to buy drinks. Then the next week she asked me for another RM1. I told her I can’t keep giving her money and if she wants any, she should ask from her own parents. Her answer was, “It’s ok, just give me and I won’t tell my mum. If she doesn’t know she won’t get angry.” I ended up giving her just 50 sen but told her it was not right for her to ask money from other people and that she should not keep secrets from her mum.I then told her that it was the last time she’s getting any money from me.

After that incident my daughter sometimes told me things like, the girl pushed her, tried to take her wallet, smack her, took her water tumbler and yelled at her for going to the toilet.

So today, when she was rude to my daughter, I confronted her about  the things she did to my daughter. First she denied it.  But after that she challenged me to name the dates of the incidents! I was shocked at how conniving this girl was.

At this, I told her off course I don’t remember the exact date and that if she ever repeated her actions I will let her parents and teacher know about it. After a while, she insisted that she never did any of those things. And, while staying put in front of me, at the school canteen, tears started rolling down her eyes.  Soon after she began to cry.

I then asked her why she was crying as I wasn’t angry at her or scolding her. I just wanted to know why she bullied my daughter and do not want those things to happen again. I ended up taking her to the toilet to get her clean up and left after telling her that it was not okay to use her position as assistant monitor to bully others.

I realise that the girl craves attention but probably doesn’t know how to ask for it. Since day one she had told me to hangout with her on Wednesdays as her parents were busy working and din’t have time to come check on her after gymnastic class.

I hope the girl would stop picking on my daughter as well as other kids but knowing how manipulative she is I am a little skeptical.

I mean how do you deal with these kinds of kids? I do not like to tell other people how to raise their kids but if other children cause problems to mine, I am not going  to keep quiet and be okay with it.

Crying is allowed, and so is missing mum

My six-year-old daughter started her Mandarin Tuition this week. The tuition is run by the primary school which she will be going to next year. 

Every morning I send her to school and will hang around until she gets in class. And, everyday, my two-year-old son too, would tag along. 

This morning while waiting for school to commence my son pulled my hands and asked me to follow him. So, follow him I did.

While walking in front of one classroom we saw a boy crying. He looked so sad. So we stopped and asked him what was wrong. The boy, with tears in his eyes said, “I want mummy”.

My heart melted as I saw how sad and frightened he looked. I then asked what his name was, in the hope that talking would calm him down. I also asked him who sent him to school and where he was sitting in class.

I later offered him a tissue paper to wipe his tears away. He took the tissue paper, wiped his eyes and gave it back to me.

I told him it was ok to feel the way he did, every body feels sad and scared some time. If he missed his mum, I told him I was sure his mum missed him too.

He stopped crying after a while. I pat his shoulder and said to him, “you know what, everything will be ok. It may take a little while but it will be fine”.

Soon all his classmates started marching into the classroom. I saw his class teacher said something to him and he then walked towards his seat.

I waited outside his classroom while watching the other kids going towards theirs. I later saw my daughter walking with her classmates and waved at her.

After a few minutes I decided to make a move and waved goodbye to the boy who seemed a lot calmer by now. I also noticed the teacher giving some instructions to the class and the boy taking out his book from his bag.

On my way to work, after dropping off my son at the baby sitter, I started thinking about the boy.

As an adult I am not that much different from him.

I too need assurance sometimes. I take time to adjust to a new environment. I cry when I am sad. I fear the unknown. And yes, there are times that I too miss my mum.

But the most amazing thing about children is they allow themselves to feel and are not scared to let theif feelings show. They live in the present. 

In the process of growing up, I learned to bottle up my feelings, show a tough front and became too embarrass to let someone know I miss him or her. The boy gave to me more than I could ever give to him in one morning.